Tag Archives: humor

Wooden

17 Jun

All I wanted was a chair that didn’t break my back and turn me into a deformed beast.

Being a tall man of men, I am constantly in search of a chair that doesn’t make my back feel like it’s going to fall off. 

So on this quaint summer day, I sit down to have a cool refreshing beverage at the local coffee mart, I place my bag on the table next to me, I sip my drink, each drop of cool liquid splashing lovingly against my teeth bones, I lean back…

This whack chair, has a back that only goes up about a foot. So now I have this piece of wood jabbing into the middle of my back. I bet my back is going to feel great after this… Whoever designed this should be sued for killing helpless trees (mother earth’s beautiful legs, of which she has millions of all over the world, that get savagely chopped off every day). Killing mother earth, for the single purpose of making my back hurt is not very nice.

Back pains make me,

ConstantlySad

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Boogers

6 Dec

All I wanted was to know if snot was running down my face.

I don’t ask for much. A little food here, some water there. Maybe some clothes to keep me warm when the icy shivers of the world take over.

While I was out braving a very intense winter, I realized a slight lack of feeling in my facial region. That was ok because it was quite cold outside. I just had to last until I could make it into my next place of warmth. WARMTH…WARMTH

As I frolicked around in temperatures dipping down below pleasant, I reached up to scratch my nose.

My entire body went numb and exploded with feeling. Shock and horror swept over me as I felt a slimy sensation. I looked down, my hand was covered in boogers. I wanted to lay down and die. How long had this been there? My entire face was probably covered in snot boogers at this point.

I wanted to run into hiding, but there was no escape. Life and darkness closed in around me. I was confronted by blinding light and breathless dark, both pushing toward me, stealing my dignity.

I gave my nose another wipe and found that the icky wasn’t all over my face, just under my nose (and almost in my mouth).

It will take months to get over this tragedy. The great booger tragedy of December 2011.

ConstantlySad